If I’ve learned anything in the past few years it would be to tell people you love them more often. Pick up the phone and say “hi.” Tomorrow is never promised.
It's been 3808 days or 10 years, 5 months and 3 days since I've heard his hearty laugh or heard the words "i love you" from my father.
Growing up, not only was I blessed to have been raised by a wonderful mother, but I was also raised by an extraordinary father. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of similarities to my mother and she's an amazing person but I’d like to believe that I’m the spitting image of my father, or at least that’s who I strive to be. Everything from my stubbornness, sense of humor, seeing the good in everyone, and amazing cooking skills— that has my daddy written all over it.
For as long as I can remember my dad was always there. Every basketball game, every recital, he was there. From going on walks in the park to playing soccer with me, he was always there. He was my best friend. I definitely was a daddy's girl.
It’s been 10 years since I’ve witnessed him being there. It's crazy how someone's there one minute and then they're gone in a blink of an eye and all you have left are memories. I remember his final moments, like it was yesterday. So unexpected and gone before I could say a word.
If I had known the last time would be the last time I’d ever see my dad, my role-model, my best-friend, I would have hugged him a lot tighter, and I would have told him just how much I loved him, a million and one times over.
I cried for months and months, and I would get so upset when I heard someone say “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “how are you doing?”… I just wanted to scream. I became a hermit. I did the worst thing you can do when you lose a loved one, I closed off everyone who loved me, even God.
I knew he wouldn’t want me sulking in my bedroom with old photos, if I could hear him from Heaven, I’m sure he’d be calling me an all types of names for acting the way I was. So finally, after a couple of months I finally was forced me out of my shell when I realized that I wasn't the only person who has ever lost a parent.
People always say God’s timing is perfect. I always believed it to be true, but I never had any personal experiences to tie it to. Sometimes when your heart is broken it’s hard to understand the reasoning for God’s will, but you have to trust in his timing, for it is perfect, and He has a purpose, although you may not see it now. I often had questioned "Why did this happen to me?" The only answer I could come up with is God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.
Not a day goes by that I am not reminded of him whether it's seeing caramel apple pops or remembering advice he has given me. I feel truly blessed to have spent so much time in the company of my dad. I could go on for days about how big of a heart he had and yet I’m still short for words. He has been such an inspiration to me and I can only hope that I do him proud. He was a great example and loved unconditionally with all of his being and genuinely had a heart of gold. Heaven has been blessed with the sweetest of all angels.
-xoxo, E
-xoxo, E
